50 Movies to See in 2014
New to ISBPATTL (acronyms FTW) in the fine year of 2014, I bring you an extensive list of 50 movies, old and new, that I aim to watch, judge and quote mercilessly. Note that these aren't all going to be films that I'll review, just ones that I've assumed the responsibility for watching, either out of interest or as a result of recommendations from the few people I trust when it comes to recognising good cinema when it slaps them in the face. Without further ado, here are 50 films (with 50 presumptuous one sentence descriptions as learned from the poster) that I'll be watching in 2014:
1. Sharknado
Year: 2013
IMDb Rating: 3.3
In a Sentence: Freak weather causes a fairground to get sucked into a sinkhole, creating... SHARKNAD-wait, no.
2. The Wind That Shakes The Barley
Year: 2006
IMDb Rating: 7.5
In a Sentence: The guy from 28 Days Later becomes a farmer, taking up grouse hunting and/or war, possibly against sentient grouse.
3. The Good Shepard
Year: 2006
IMDb Rating: 6.7
In a Sentence: Matt Damon works at the CIA and attempts to look as much like Robert DeNiro as possible.
4. Confessions
Year: 2010
IMDb Rating: 7.8
In a Sentence: A woman with very odd star-shaped acne scarring gets revenge.
5. 12 Angry Men
Year: 1957
IMDb Rating: 8.9
In a Sentence: Twelve disgruntled gentlemen take stabby revenge against a font designer (considered superior to the controversial sequel, 12 Angry Men 2: The Baker's Dozen).
6. Sunset Blvd.
Year: 1950
IMDb Rating: 8.6
In a Sentence: A red-haired woman wears a particularly uncomfortable novelty bow tie made out of used film reel while members of the bourgeois fashion community look on in horror.
7. Inland Empire
Year: 2006
IMDb Rating: 6.9
In a Sentence: It's a David Lynch movie so I'll guess it's of someone screaming at you for six hours whilst stirring a bowl of earwax with their heel.
8. As Good As It Gets
Year: 1997
IMDb Rating: 7.7
In a Sentence: Jack Nicholson laughs in the face of God as he gives passers-by directions using his exceptionally pointy widow's peaks.
After Seeing It: A sweet, funny, character-driven look through the lives of a bunch of crazy people.
9. Man of Steel
Year: 2013
IMDb Rating: 7.4
In a Sentence: Zack Snyder ruins another superhero franchise with so much Zack Snyderness that everything breaks, ever.
10. Parkland
Year: 2013
IMDb Rating: 6.2
In a Sentence: A supposedly scathing yet still actually painfully patriotic account of the assassination of some president; can't remember his name.
11. The Philadelphia Story
Year: 1940
IMDb Rating: 8.1
In a Sentence: Cary Grant accidentally gets his face fused to Katherine Hepburn's, hilarity ensues.
12. La Dolche Vita
Year: 1960
IMDb Rating: 8.1
In a Sentence: Lots of women, a little bit of dancing, heaps of mournfully staring into the middle distance, and people wearing knight's helmets.
13. Gayniggers From Outer Space
Year: 1992
IMDb Rating: 6.3
In a Sentence: I...I just...maybe gay black people saving the planet from a weird Krull glaive thing or...I don't know, bestowing upon us lots of gayness?
14. To Catch a Thief
Year: 1955
IMDb Rating: 7.5
In a Sentence: Cary Grant makes friends with a woman with a chimney sweep fetish.
15. Leprechaun
Year: 1993
IMDb Rating: 4.5
In a Sentence: What happened to the remains of the R-rated Friends St. Patrick's Day special.
16. White Heat
Year: 1949
IMDb Rating: 8.2
In a Sentence: A man called Jimmy with a very rare skin pigmentation disorder smashes lots of things with his big pink fist (sounds a little dirtier than I intended...).
17. American Mary
Year: 2012
IMDb Rating: 6.2
In a Sentence: A plastic surgeon/stripper takes up murder because reasons; she's hot, she can do what she likes.
After Seeing It: The most satisfying rape revenge movie since I Spit on Your Grave met The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo; and there's also a Betty Boop look-alike.
18. From Up On Poppy Hill
Year: 2011
IMDb Rating: 7.3
In a Sentence: A Japanese schoolboy has an adorable relationship with a schoolgirl and lots of cute things happen on bicycles.
19. Good Will Hunting
Year: 1997
IMDb Rating: 8.2
In a Sentence: Matt Damon smiles uncomfortably as he and his sepia-toned world are slowly absorbed into Robin Williams' facial hair.
20. Into The Wild
Year: 2007
IMDb Rating: 8.2
In a Sentence: A bit like the book but skewed out of proportion by Sean Penn's sticky fingers.
21. The Night of the Hunter
Year: 1955
IMDb Rating: 8.1
In a Sentence: A well dressed serial killer is hindered in his work by a seductively attractive double amputee who brings her severed feel with her wherever she goes.
22. Barry Lyndon
Year: 1975
IMDb Rating: 8.1
In a Sentence: In a Victorian society where humans have been enslaved by roses, one man, Barry, uses his trusty pistol and knee-high boots to settle the score...
23. Russian Ark
Year: 2002
IMDb Rating: 7.3
In a Sentence: Through the eyes of a recently drugged person, we watch a load of hippies dance around an art gallery for an hour and a half.
24. Ip Man
Year: 2008
IMDb Rating: 8.1
In a Sentence: A martial arts film based on the true story of a man who learned to harness the deadly power of the hiccough.
25. Jean de Florette
Year: 1986
IMDb Rating: 8.1
In a Sentence: A group of French farmers with lockjaw compare the size of each others noses while the women do all of the work.
26. Insidious Chapter 2
Year: 2013
IMDb Rating: 6.7
In a Sentence: Insidious, but with a two in the title, and the word chapter to make it sound fancy and hopefully establish a franchise and make all of the money.
27. House on Haunted Hill
Year: 1959
IMDb Rating: 6.9
In a Sentence: Vincent Price in the greatest looking haunted house movie ever made.
28. Big Trouble in Little China
Year: 1986
IMDb Rating: 7.3
In a Sentence: The prequel to Escape From New York where the happy-go-lucky Snake "Charmer" Plissken goes on a crazy adventure through Little China in search of someone who can help him un-tuck his vest from his jeans.
29. Mr. Smith Goes To Washington
Year: 1939
IMDb Rating: 8.4
In a Sentence: So much patriotism it hurts.
30. The Beast Must Die
Year: 1974
IMDb Rating: 5.7
In a Sentence: A whodunnit movie where the murderer is a werewolf and there's a really cheesy timer near the end for you to guess who it is.
After Seeing It: Everything I expected, but with so much more seventies; I nearly died when a black guy ran around in nothing but a leather jacket while cheesy music played in the background. Absolute Stinking Bishop levels of glorious cheese.
31. The Thomas Crown Affair
Year: 1968
IMDb Rating: 7.0
In a Sentence: A crime caper before the time when crime capers were cool and everyone looks really serious and Steve McQueen totally gets the motorbike over the fence this time.
32. The Postman
Year: 1997
IMDb Rating: 5.8
In a Sentence: One man fights his way through a post-apocalyptic America to keep the glory of the US postal system alive.
33. Some Kind of Wonderful
Year: 1987
IMDb Rating: 7.0
In a Sentence: Left guy likes middle girl, right girl likes left guy but he doesn't realise and then he ends up with middle girl even though she's a bitch and THIS IS DUCKY ALL OVER AGAIN; John Hughes, you are a bastard.
After Seeing It: John Hughes, you are beautiful. Finally you make a movie that ends correctly, and I love it.
34. Prince of Darkness
Year: 1987
IMDb Rating: 6.7
In a Sentence: Stretch Armstrong accidentally awakens an ancient evil and becomes a giant, building-sized stretchy head full of cockroaches.
35. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Year: 1998
IMDb Rating: 7.7
In a Sentence: Apparently the movie that Johnny Depp never sobered up from.
36. Troll
Year: 1986
IMDb Rating: 4.1
In a Sentence: Crappy genre horror at its absolute best.
37. Troll 2
Year: 1990
IMDb Rating: 2.5
In a Sentence: Crappy genre horror at its absolute worst; which makes it even better.
38. The Craft
Year: 1996
IMDb Rating: 6.1
In a Sentence: Hello nineties, I've missed you.
39. Manos: The Hands of Fate
Year: 1966
IMDb Rating: 1.9
In a Sentence: Finally an answer to the question "How exactly do you deface someone with a burning hand?".
40. Birdemic 2: The Resurrection
Year: 2013
IMDb Rating: 2.3
In a Sentence: The most sincerely awful movie of all time just went meta.
41. Glengarry Glen Ross
Year: 1992
IMDb Rating: 7.9
In a Sentence: A man with the single worst commute in history faces a typical day at work.
42. Eyes Wide Shut
Year: 1999
IMDb Rating: 7.2
In a Sentence: Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman join a Scientology sex club where you insert eyeballs into each other's orifices.
43. Thor: The Dark World
Year: 2013
IMDb Rating: 7.6
In a Sentence: The first Thor movie, but with more...Thorring?
44. Star Trek Into Darkness
Year: 2013
IMDb Rating: 7.9
In a Sentence: Shoddy workmanship leads to an excess of gaping holes on Earth's buildings from which ominous villains can stand dramatically.
45. Pink Flamingos
Year: 1972
IMDb Rating: 6.0
In a Sentence: Divine is Divine for a whole film, and you just have to sit back and watch *cackle*.
46. In The Realm of the Senses
Year: 1976
IMDb Rating: 6.6
In a Sentence: Finally, uncensored Japanese porn!
47. Videodrome
Year: 1983
IMDb Rating: 7.3
In a Sentence: A woman develops a television made entirely out of raspberry gummi bear goop, but people keep punching them with guns for some reason.
48. Dancer in the Dark
Year: 2000
IMDb Rating: 8.0
In a Sentence: Bjork is a blind person who sings and dances and be's depressing lots.
49. Strangers on a Train
Year: 1951
IMDb Rating: 8.1
In a Sentence: Two people who don't know each other intimately meet by chance on a train and suspense happens.
50. L'Age D'Or
Year: 1930
IMDb Rating: 7.6
In a Sentence: Luis Bunuel makes a completely incomprehensible film about two borrowers or normal sized people who fall in love and are looked after by either a giant or a normal sized person.
Number Completed: 4
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